Healing your inner child

Healing begins when you gently give yourself the safety, attention, and love you once had to earn. Here are some inner child healing prompts and exercises to help you reclaim self-worth and break the validation-seeking loop.

Reach out to your inner child and heal them

Find a time when you feel relatively calm and reflect on the questions below. Give yourself all the liberty you need to write, speak aloud, or even draw in response to these. Go slow, there's no hurry. And be kind to yourself.

Connecting with your younger self

1. What did I need to hear as a child that I never did?

2. When did I first feel like I had to earn love?

3. How did the adults around me respond when I was sad, angry, or scared?

4. What parts of myself did I have to hide to be accepted?

5. What did I long for most growing up: attention, safety, praise, comfort?

Unpacking toxic validation loops

6. Who in my life today makes me feel like I need to prove myself to be loved?

7. What does their validation give me that I believe I can’t give myself?

8. When I don’t get their attention, what story do I start telling myself? (“I’m not enough,” “I’m invisible,” are examples)

9. How do I behave when I’m trying to win someone back emotionally? What does that remind me of from childhood?

10. What would change in my life if I stopped chasing approval and started believing I am already enough?

Some suggested exercises to heal your inner child

These exercises aren’t about fixing yourself. They’re about re-parenting the part of you that still aches for what you missed.

1. Mirrortalk, directly with your inner child

Look at yourself in the mirror. Gently place a hand over your heart and say:

• “I’m here for you now.”

• “You don’t have to perform or prove anything to be loved.”

• “You were always worthy, even when they didn’t see it.”

Can you do this daily for a week? It might feel awkward at first. But that’s okay, it’s still working and helping you.

2. Write a letter to little you

Address a letter to your younger self (any age where you felt invisible or not enough).

• Tell them what you see in them now.

• Tell them what the adults should have said.

• Offer them safety, love, and validation.

Optional: write a second letter from your inner child back to you.

3. Visualize a safe parent dialogue

Close your eyes and imagine a strong, loving, calm version of yourself, your Inner Wise Adult, sitting next to your child self. Let your younger self speak freely. Let your adult self comfort, validate, and protect them.

Script starter:

Inner child: “They ignored me. I felt like nothing.”
Inner adult: “You were never nothing. You were just unseen. But I see you now. I’m not going anywhere.”

4. Declutter the validation hooks

Make a list of the people you seek approval from, especially those who drain you.

Next to each name, write:

• What part of me is trying to get something from them? (example, “I want to feel important.”)

• Can this person truly give me that? (Be honest.)

• How can I give this to myself instead?

Turn this into a mantra. For example:

“I no longer need your attention to feel valuable. I give that to myself now.”

5. Create a validation jar

Every day, write one thing that’s true and kind about yourself on a slip of paper. Things like:

• “I am thoughtful.”

• “I am strong even when I’m tired.”

• “I showed up for myself today.”

Put them in a jar or box. When you crave someone else’s validation, pull one out and read it aloud.

Final Note:

You didn’t get the love you deserved, not because you weren’t lovable—but because the people around you didn’t know how to give it. That wasn’t your fault. And it’s not your burden anymore. You get to love yourself now, without conditions.