Toxic people, toxic patterns

How do you identify a toxic person in your life? What are some of the patterns in their behaviour that point towards their toxicity?

The Healing Space

5/28/20252 min read

A spacious room with a high, blue ceiling featuring wooden beams. The walls are adorned with earthy installations and sculptures. The floor has circular art pieces with various natural elements. The ambient lighting is subtle, creating a calm and focused atmosphere. The room extends to a projection or screen at the far end.
A spacious room with a high, blue ceiling featuring wooden beams. The walls are adorned with earthy installations and sculptures. The floor has circular art pieces with various natural elements. The ambient lighting is subtle, creating a calm and focused atmosphere. The room extends to a projection or screen at the far end.

Is there someone in your life that

  • Consistently harms your emotional well-being?

  • Disrespects your boundaries?

  • Creates confusion, guilt, or anxiety?

  • Interacting with whom feels one-sided, exhausting, or unsafe?

If you feel that this person is making you feeling smaller, confused, emotionally unsafe, almost like you’re walking on eggshells over and over again, you might want to try out the quiz below. Be honest with yourself and go with your gut feeling.

Toxic Relationship Self-Check Quiz

For each statement, answer Yes, No, or Sometimes.

Emotional Impact

  1. Do I often feel drained, anxious, or emotionally exhausted after interacting with them?

  2. Do I feel like I have to monitor or shrink myself to avoid upsetting them?

  3. Do I frequently question whether I’m overreacting or being “too sensitive”?

  4. Do I feel guilty for having needs or expressing emotions?

  5. Do I often feel like I’m never good enough around them?

Respect & Boundaries

  1. Do they ignore or cross my boundaries, even when I clearly state them?

  2. Do they dismiss or belittle my feelings, ideas, or experiences?

  3. Do they make me feel selfish or wrong for asserting myself?

Manipulation & Control

  1. Do they guilt-trip, gaslight, or twist things to make me the problem?

  2. Do they use silence, mood swings, or threats to control the situation?

  3. Do they make me doubt my memory, perception, or choices?

  4. Do they only seem interested in me when they want something?

Accountability

  1. Do they rarely take responsibility for their behavior or apologize sincerely?

  2. Do they often blame others (including me) for everything that goes wrong?

  3. Do they justify hurtful behavior as “joking,” “tough love,” or “just being honest”?

Growth & Support

  1. Do I feel unsupported, unseen, or emotionally alone in this relationship?

  2. Do they get uncomfortable or critical when I grow, heal, or succeed?

  3. Is there more fear or stress than trust and safety in this relationship?

Your Results:

  • 0–5 YES/SOMETIMES:
    Possibly healthy but may have a few issues. Keep checking in with yourself and communicate openly.

  • 6–10 YES/SOMETIMES:
    Yellow flag zone. Patterns of harm are present. Consider setting firm boundaries, limiting exposure, and/or getting support.

  • 11+ YES/SOMETIMES:
    Red flag territory. You may be in a toxic or emotionally abusive dynamic. Your mental health is at risk. Prioritize distance, healing, and visit a counsellor.

Reminder:

Even Sometimes adds up. It’s not about one-off moments — it’s about patterns that harm your self-worth or peace.